The Curve

This is a graph invented by Cameron Herold to demonstrate the cycles that an entrepreneur goes through in the process of launching a new business venture. You can read the article here. As I was reading the article, I realized that the principles from this graph could be applied to a Christian home.

Many of us in the home school community started off looking forward to God’s blessing of children and of raising them for Him. We were excited about how many children God might bless us with and looked forward to the day when our quivers would be “full”. This is the Uninformed Optimism Stage!

At this stage we are blissfully ignorant of how tough it will be at times to walk closely with the Lord, love and honor our spouse, teach children, train children, discipline children, feed children, clothe children, organize our home, balance budgets, earn a living, keep ourselves in shape, minister to others, etc., etc., etc. In this stage we usually experience feelings of excitement and nervous energy as we look forward to the beginnings of our family. And overall we’re pretty confident in our natural ability to handle whatever might come along. We have no idea of what it really takes to run a home. This is a very important stage, however; without it we might never even get started with a family. This is not the stage in which to teach others how to raise children, or criticize parents who in your eyes are messing up big time. This is the stage to read, prepare, listen, seek counsel, pray for direction, study God’s Word, watch others, and learn everything you can about raising your family for the Lord. Use your positive energy to be a sponge to soak up mass amounts of family building information, for it will not be long and you will move into the Informed Pessimism Stage.

At this point you usually have small children. You suddenly realize that you don’t know everything that you thought you did about raising children. Your parents begin to look like absolute geniuses. Many of the formulas that you learned from well-known parenting authors don’t necessarily work for your family. You begin to realize that each child is truly unique with his/her own strengths and weaknesses. Your own character defects begin to manifest themselves through your children. At this stage it is important to gather a few key mentors off whom you can bounce ideas and from whom you can get relevant advice. Develop your own child training principles, test them, and then quantify the results, implementing the ones that work and eliminating those that don’t. Begin to settle in to who you are as a parent and who your children are as unique individuals. Walk with God even more personally and get into His Word for guidance on raising a family, for you will need Him more than ever in the days to come.

Crisis of Meaning Stage

This is a key juncture in our journey as parents. From here our families can go on to grow and flourish, or we can crash and burn. You now have children in a wide range of ages - usually with at least one approaching (or already in) the teen years. Life is moving faster than you can possibly stay up with; there is never enough money for the fast rising tide of family needs; your personal character defects are showing up on a day to day basis in your family; inconsistencies in obedience training make accomplishing even simple tasks a monumental undertaking; you realize that your oldest child’s understanding of certain simple math concepts has somehow slipped through the cracks; your youngest child still isn’t potty-trained, the laundry begins to pile up with the dishes; the house looks like a tornado went through one hour after cleaning it from top to bottom; everything breaks down and needs to be replaced at the same time; late nights, lack of exercise and junk food binges began to sap your energy; you see areas in your children’s lives that need to be transformed; you start a family business, and you generally feel like a helpless victim of a process that is spinning your family out of your control. You see the cliff coming but you don’t know how to avoid going off of it. For those of you who have never gone through this stage.....congratulations, you are one of the blessed 1% in the world and need not read any further! :) This is the stage when you don’t talk to others who are half-empty types and/or have failed with their children, don’t turn to addictive vices that will lead you to spiral out of control, don’t think that you can “handle it” all alone, don’t make big life-changing speeches to your family about the vision of change that is coming, and most of all stop reading internet articles, books, etc., by so-called child training experts!!!!!!! Especially do not read such from parents whose children long ago reached adulthood, because they have apparently long forgotten all of these “crisis of meaning” times in their homes in the distant past, thus making it sound like their children could all be a part of the chosen elders gathered around the throne of God. Don’t try to implement 200-year plans or read about how one parent laid a rod by the front door of the house and all disobedience was eliminated from that day forward. This is the time to lean on those few key mentors who are your friends and love you. This is the time to relax, take breaks, go for walks with your family, get exercise, get outdoors, laugh out loud, don’t take life so seriously. This is the time to write out one thing each day that you want to improve in your personal walk with God, your marriage, your children, your finances, and your career, and slowly chip away at them. Write lists about areas where you are strong and about what you love, and read them from time to time. Write lists about what your children are strong at and what you love about them, and read them from time to time. Praise your kids and your spouse for every positive you can find. Cry out to God, get into His Word, and learn to walk with Him alone for guidance in raising a family for Him. Thank Him for what He is doing behind the scenes! Slowly begin to implement the things that have proven to work for your family, in helping them move forward for God in their lives. Slowly fix character defects, in your own life and your children’s, that you know are holding your family back. Realize that many others have been in this exact same place and usually turn the corner, just like you will. Remember “the little engine that could” - “I think I can, I think I can”, - it can take time, but things will rebound. Don’t quit! You will eventually enter into the last stage called Informed Optimism (or hopeful realization).

This is where your family turns the corner and you realize that you did. Your family is organized, disciplined, productive, educated, hardworking, Godly, effective, self-supporting, etc. Your children begin making right choices which flow from a commitment in your family to excellence. You start to feel excited and energized at the little positive results that you see on a day to day basis in your family. You start to feel momentum working in your favor again. God is blessing your right choices and the hard work you have applied to your family. You have a lot more positive insight and experience to draw from. You realize you have more competence and confidence than before and everything seems to be going more your way. At this stage don’t lose focus, don’t let your confidence slip, don’t get cocky and don’t forget to keep God and His Word first. You can also begin to gather information again from various parenting sources, strategically plan for the future, and generally get everything in order again to start the growth process all over again.

Congratulations! this cycle repeats itself.....so enjoy the ride instead of fighting it.

JB (ballengerfamily@gmail.com)